


Endgame

by Marvelousfanatic87



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelousfanatic87/pseuds/Marvelousfanatic87
Summary: Harry finds out, by the doctor, that he has an imoperable brain tumor. Harry orders the doctor not to tell anyone, and pretends things are normal. Until one away mission, his symptoms start happening. How far will the crew go to save Harry?





	1. Chapter 1

Harry stared at the scans,silently processing everything. The doctor studied him, nervously.

"I am deeply sorry, Ensign," he finally said. Harry cleared his throat.

"So...you can't operate on it?"

The doctor shook his head. 

"It's...in too difficult of a place. I could cause massive brain damage elsewhere."

"I see." Harry nodded. "So...a brain tumor. Huh." He gave a short, almost bitter sounding, laugh.

"Kind of funny, huh?"

"I'm sorry, I fail to see this situation as humorous, Mr.Kim." The doctor kept his voice soft. 

Harry rolled his eyes.

"I've been the most desperate to get home, and now it looks like I'll probably die before getting there. Fairly ironic, right?"

The doctor remained silent.

"If you want, I can tell the Captain-" he started to say instead, and Harry quickly cut him off.

"No!" His voice was sharp, and un Harry like. In fact, his whole demeanor was different.

"No...not just yet. I want to keep working as long as I can."

"But Mr. Kim..."

Harry interrupted again.

"You said they have chemotherapy in shots, now, right? And painkillers in shot forms?"

The doctor nodded.

"Yes, but-"

"Then just give me those things on a daily basis. I want things to be normal while they still can be."

The doctor stared at the young man.

"Mr. Kim, if I tell the Captain we could change course-and start looking for new treatment. Perhaps Mr. Neelix knows something. It would be a waste not to look in the Delta Quadrant for a cure..."

Harry was rapidly shaking his head.

"No, don't. We're communicating with Starfleet more frequently than before, and I don't want Voyager's progress to be lost because of my selfish attitude. Even if I can't get home, I want them to be able to. "

The doctor sighed, frustrated-but a new sense of respect lingering in him for the young commanding officer.

"This just feels wrong..."

"It's doctor/patient confidentiality, doc," Harry shot back. "And you are forced to obey that, if I don't cause harm to other people. Don't make me pull rank.You know that I can make you obey by just changing your programming, right?"

There was silence.

"Look, doc...I'm sorry." Tears spilled in the young man's eyes. "I would never, ever, ever do that. I shouldn't even thought it up. I'm so sorry, it's just..."

"It's all right, Ensign, I understand." The doctor kept his voice soft, and steady, to hide the hurt. "I won't tell a soul."

"Thank you." Harry's voice trembled as he stood, and started to leave.

"And Mr. Kim?" The doctor added, with more emapthy in his voice. 

Harry turned around, still looked angry at himself.

"I'll never stop searching for a cure."

Kim swalllowed.

"Thank you again."

The doctor sighed, as he watched Harry leave, wondering how the hell they were going to keep things as normal as possible, and whether or not he should break his promise and tell Captain Janeway that her youngest crewmen was dying...


	2. Chapter 2

During the next few weeks Harry became more and more of a recluse, and constantly working on various repairs. Tom first noticed this when he kept on declining a chance to play on the Captain Proton program.

"Is this about you always being a sidekick? Paris finally challenged. Harry looked honestly surprised.

"What?"

"If you wanted to play Proton that badly, you can. You could have just asked." Tom knew he sounded defensive, but couldn't help it. Harry stared at him, and shook his head.

"No," he said slowly. " It's not that, honest. It's just, the Astro metrics lab needs a lot more repairs right now since the last borg attack. That's all."

"Uh huh." Tom didn't believe Harry for a minute, but let the matter drop. Harry knew he was hurting his friend, but he thought if he was seeing less of the crew after hours-they would take the news of his passing easier. 

It was when B'Elanna asked for a personal favor that she and Paris really got suspicious.

Harry was trying not to be uncomfortable as she sat him down in her and Tom's, quarters. 

"I'm sorry for asking so suddenly," B'Elanna apologized, and frowned as she noticed Harry was squinting as he listened. He had started doing that more in engineering, as well. 

"Look, this is going to be a bit awkward for me, but it was Tom's idea. And you are great friends with us both."

"Like family," Harry agreed, with a confused nod. She knew she needed to keep it as succinct as possible. 

"We were wondering...would you like to be Miral's Godfather?"

There was silence.

Harry swallowed, and looked stunned. The look wasn't something B'Elanna had totally prepared for.

"You wouldn't have to do anything...it's just, Tom and I couldn't think of someone better to look after her in case something happens to both of us." She swallowed, as she waited, and tried to read Kim's expression. "Well?"

Harry's mind was racing.

Godfather? Damn it, he was more than flattered-but what timing! A cruel joke, for sure. If he hadn't just receieved his news, he would have gladly accepted. But how could he, knowing that he probably wouldn't live to see Miral be born? They only just found out she was a girl, after all. And the way his pain was...he was expecting a shorter time length, than longer He stared at his shoes, and started to perspire. Torres was honestly shocked it was taking so long. 

"Harry?"

Harry bit his lips.

"Look, I'm really flattered..."She sucked in her breath.

"Why?"

He shook his head, miserably.

"It should be Chakotay."

"Don't sell yourself short."

"Or the Captain," he persisted. "But not me."

"Why?" She repeated harshly. "Why not you, Harry?"

He stood up, and started to pace.

"I'm...not mature enough..."

"Bullshit. Your'e the most mature person Tom and I know. And that's saying something. And don't say it's your morals, either. That's why Tom wanted you. You're his moral compass. We all know that." She fought back tears of hurt.

"Don't be a coward, Harry. If you don't want to, just say it!

"Fine!" Harry shot back. He was breathing heavily. He knew this would end his friendship with B'Elanna and Tom, but better now than later. "I.don't.want.to." He gritted his teeth when he spoke the last words. She stared at him, and he knew he'll never forget the hurt, and lingering question of why in her eyes.

"Get out." Her voice was cold, and filled with anger to hide the other feelings. He swallowed, and tried to collect himself.

"B'Elanna..."

"Out!" He quickly obeyed, and waited before he got to his quarters before he collapsed in pain...


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days were intense for Harry. He had managed to recover from his episode after the meeting with B'Elanna. The doctor wanted to tell the Captain, but Kim still refused to. He grimaced as he remembered the conversation that happened the following day after he rejected B'Elanna's offer. It was with Tom, who was more than a little upset.

"Harry, what the hell?" Was Paris's way of greeting Harry, who was just leaving the mess hall. Harry sighed.

"Look, Tom, I don't have time..."

"You're gonna make time!" Tom grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him aside.

"B'Elanna was crying when I got home. She NEVER does that. And then she said it's because of you? That you don't want to be Miral's Godfather?"

Harry flinched at the idea of hurting B'Elanna so much.

"Tom, I'm sorry I hurt her. That wasn't my intent-"

"I don't CARE. Right now, my wife is in a lot of pain, and the guy that caused it happened to me my best friend. So what I am, is really pissed off. You better have a damn good reason."

Harry grimaced as Tom's grip was getting tighter. Everything in his body hurt more. Tom was too furious to see his friend's body language. 

"Do you care to tell me why you decided to upset my just barely pregnant wife?" Paris added in a heated tone, as he tried to control his breathing.Harry swallowed.

"There's no good enough reason for what I said, Tom."

Tom snorted.

"You got that right."

"But it wasn't out of malice, you have to believe me."

His best friend gave a sad sigh.

"I do, but..."

"I hurt your wife, and that is unforgivable." Harry replied quietly. He looked away. "I understand that."

Tom frowned, finally taking in how his friend is behaving.

"You're awfully quick to play the bad guy," he observed. Harry looked confused.

"What?"

"Most guys in your place would be incredibly defensive. You're just taking it all. I might not be the brightest guy, but even I can see something is going on."

Kim refused to speak, and tried to control his shaking. He couldn't let Tom in. Not now.

"Tell me, Harry," Tom begged. "You've helped me out a lot in the early days. Let me help you."

Harry violently shook his head.

"No, it's easier this way."

"What way?"

"If we're not as close friends anymore. If you're pissed at me."

"Why the hell would you want me to be pissed at you?"

"Because then...you wouldn't ask questions. You wouldn't....want to know why.." Harry instantly regretted his choice of words. Tom sucked in his breath, worry increasing inisde of him.

"What is happening, Harry? Whatever it is, you don't have to go through it alone."

Harry swallowed, and blinked back tears.

"Yes, I do."

Tom shook his head.

"But we're family."

Kim just stared at his best friend, feeling a sense of sorrow he hadn't experienced before.

"Tell B'Elanna I'm sorry," he whispered. "And I think you should ask Chakotay. Or Neelix, or the Captain."Tom gave an aggravated sigh.

"Harry-"

Suddenly their badges turned on.

"Ensign Kim, and Lt. Paris, please report to the bridge."

Paris eyed his friend, who he considered to be a younger brother.

"This isn't over."

Harry knew that was true, and felt conflicted on whether he should hope it was, or it wasn't. They walked to the bridge, side by sidebut with more distance then they have ever felt with each other before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but the next one will be a lot longer, I promise.

Harry stared at himself in his bathroom mirror, already filled with regrets. The captain had wanted both of them to a bridge, to show them a new planet they would be visiting. Neelix was sure there was organic plants, and edible animals there to eat.But Harry was so eager to appear as normal as possible, he said yes right away. Tom also agreed, and so did Chakotay, Tuvok, and Neelix. Harry had seen the doctor's reaction when they went to get a physical before the away mission. Kim had begged him in whispers to act like everything was fine. The doctor was sullen, but agreed.Harry had a sense this might be his very last away mission.

He jumped at the door alarm, and Tom's voice telling him to hurry to the Delta Flyer. Swallowing, he quickly left his quarters.

"Are you sure you're up for this mission?" Tom frowned at him. Harry gave him a look.

"Why?"

"Based on our last conversation, it's pretty clear that something is wrong, and you're not telling anyone."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Just forget that conversation, Paris."

"I can't. I have a photogeneric memory."

Harry almost choked.

"That's photogenic, Tom."

"I know." Tom gave his friend a very familiar grin. "I just wanted to get you out of that funk of yours."

"Thanks, but don't," Harry sighed, annoyed to have been tricked. "I don't need your therapy."

"But you need a friend, and I'm still here." Tom finally lapsed into silence when the young man didn't respond, but the meaning behind his promise never wavered.

Chakotay watched the young ensign carefully. Janeway had made a quiet side comment that she had thought something might be off with Harry. Harry, who's face was like an open book-normally-had become suddenly very aloof, and hard to read.

Chakotay promised to keep an eye on him, but was sure Katheryn was exaggerating. That was, until he saw Harry up close, himself. Something was definitely off. 

"Well, I'm very eager for this away mission." Neelix's voice entered the flyer, and Harry relaxed as he listened to Neelix's familiar rambles. He, and Tom glanced at each other after seeing Tuvok's stony face, and hid a grin. Some things would never change.

It was a few hours in, and Harry felt,finally, like he was able to relax. When remembering what happened he would always hate that part. He never should have relaxed, at all. Maybe, then, he could have foresaw some of his symptoms. 

The incident happened during a shuttle malfuction. Turbulence was happening, and it took all of Tom's flying skills, and Chakotay, and Tuvok's computer skills, to fix the problem. Neelix tried to lighten the mood when he turned around to make a comment to Mr. Kim. It was Neelix who saw it first, and would have a hard time remembering exactly how Harry looked.

All Neelix remembered was when he turned around Mr. Kim had slumped to the floor, with no clear sign of ever waking up soon. That was when everything changed...


	5. Chapter 5

I'm not sure how long I'm going to keep this story going, but I really like this idea, and I hope others like it-too, I will be also updating my other fanfiction.

The doctor knew what had gone wrong before they transported Kim back to sickbay. The others didn't, though, and that much was clear.Tom was frantic, and nearly incoherent, as he tried to relay the information on what happened to Mr. Kim. Neelix, and Chakotay stayed off to the side, still stunned by the most recent turmoil of events. The doors opened, and Janeway rushed in.

"What's going on?"

"He's slipped into a coma," the Doctor explained-more calm than one might imagine him talking at a moment like this. Tom was eyeing the Dkctor's demeanor.

"You know something," he accused. The Doctor sighed.

"Please, Mr. Paris. Now is not time for one of your wild notions."

"Harry was going through something," Tom conintued, a challenge in his voice. "He wouldn't tell me, but something was wrong. And you know what it is."

"Doctor, is that true?" Janeway kept her voice soft, and level. But they could all tell the hint of anger in her voice.

The Doctor sighed.

"There's a matter of doctor/patient confidentiality"

"I think this overrides any confidentialy, Doctor," snapped Janeway-losing her cool. "If a crewman is endangering himself, you are obligated to tell their Captain. I don't think he was before, but now he has."

The Doctor sucked in his breath, and glanced down at the young man.

"I have been spending the last month trying to save him." He spoke so softly the group could barely hear him.

"Save him from what?" Tom asked, trying to also not explode in rage.

"A month ago Harry came in for an annual check up scan." The Doctor cleared his throat. "I found something unsettling, and had to bring him back for a private consult." He glanced at the Captain,and then Tom, with a pained look in his eyes. A look that felt more real than a hologram giving it. "He has an inoperable brain tumor." 

The Doctor waited for a reaction. He expected cries of protest, and loud arguments-but not the deafening silence that greated him. Tom was the one who spoke first, as he looked at the Captain-and saw her eyes watering in response.

"I...are you sure?" It sounded like a stupid question, even to Mr. Paris, but he still couldn't believe this truth. 

The Doctor nodded, and kept his mannerism gentle.

"Yes, Mr. Paris. I'm afraid so."

Janeway finally spoke, as she tried to clear her voice of her tone quivering.

"Why didn't he say anything?"

The Doctor let out a long, and sad, breath. 

"For a plethora of reasons. He wanted to keep a sense of normalcy for as long as possible. And he wanted his death to be easier on all of you." He glanced at Tom. "I know he hurt you and B'Elanna, by turning down the offer to be a Godfather, but he did that for a very simple reason. He wouldn't be around when she was born. And he thought it would be more easy on both of you if you two were not friends with him anymore, when he passed on."

"Goddamn it, Harry." Tom sounded, and looked, furious. "You had no right..."

"I suppose there was another reason?" Chakotay finally spoke. The others glanced at the Doctor again, who slowly nodded. 

"Yes. Voyager has been on a right path on going home. He didn't want to interfere with that."

"How could he?" Finally Neelix found his voice. "We would just want to help him..."

"But we might have to go off course," the Doctor interrupted Neelix. "And we've been communicating more and more with Starfleet. And making so much progress on our route home. Harry didn't want to tamper with it. His very last dying wish was that Voyager would eventually get home.Even if he couldn't "

There were more silence. Janeway walked slowly towards the comatose young man, as she grabbed his limp hand, as she was filled with maternal instinct. 

"Oh, Harry." She ran her finger down his face. "We could have still gotten home, even if we were helping you."

"I tried telling him that." The Doctor was clearly wrecked with guilt. "I, thankfully, don't need any sleep. So I have kept my program on since I found out. I have been researching various treatments. I've been giving him extensive chemotherapy shots which has only helped prolong the inevitable. But the pain has been increasing. Especially with him getting into fights with his friends."

Tom winced. 

"I didn't know..."

"Mr. Paris, for once, I am not blaming you." The Doctor placed his hand on Tom's shoulder. "He bore a lot of this pain for being determined to be some sort of martyr. It was clear he thought it was easier to suffer alone."

Janeway turned to leave, fierce anger in her eyes. Chakotay stopped her.

"Katheryn? Where are you going?"

Janeway inhaled sharply.

"Harry has had to live with this for far too long. As his Captain, I failed him by not noticing sooner. I won't fail him again. We will do whatever it takes to find a cure." She nodded to herself, with certainity. "Even if it means doing the unthinkable."

"Captain..." Tom's confused voice responded. She swallowed, and refused to look at anyone. 

"We are going to contact the Vidians." With that, she left her stunned crew behind her-determined to save the youngest crewman on her ship.


	6. Chapter 6

forgive me for not updating my stories. I had a death in the family, so I have been spending more time with family in general,but now trying to find my nornal, again

Harry woke with a jolt. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder.

"Easy there, Mr. Kim." It was the doctor's voice, soft, and comforting. Or trying to be. Harry blinked, and groaned,when he saw he was in sickbay.

"What happened?" He tried to sit up. 

"I would stay still, if I were you," the doctor told him, calmly, and he winced in pain from the head.

"I think I'll listen to you," he sighed. "But what happened?" He repeated.

"You got sick, and fainted from the pain on the away mission." The doctor's voice, this time, was flat, and unconcerned. 

"Does everyone know?" Harry asked, wincing now out of fear. The doctor sighed. This time, he did have some sympathy.

"Yes. And they aren't terribly happy about it, either."

"Well neither am I, and I'm the one who's doing the actual dying," grunted Harry. The doctor gave a surprise laugh.

"Your off the cuff wit is often surprising, Mr. Kim."

"I bet you'll miss it," Harry remarked, and instantly regretted saying it-as he saw the look on the doctors face. "Look, Doc..."

The door opened, and the Captain strode in. 

Harry froze, and was almost unable to swallow. She stared at him, with an almost stony expression.

"I was going to ask how Mr. Kim was doing, but I can see he is awake." Her voice was curt, and crisp. This time, he did manage to swallow.

"Captain...I..." He faltered, at her look.

"Yes?"

"Nothing." He lowered his gaze. "I just never meant to hurt anyone, Captain."

"But you did, Harry," she snapped, losing her coolness about her. "You hurt us all by lying to us."

Harry couldn't argue with that.

"I'm sorry."Was his feebled, whispered, response. She sighed and walked towards him.

"The patient needs to conserve his energy," the doctor said, suddenly defensive. "If you are to yell at him, Captain, I suggest you do it later."

The captain looked at him, with surprise, and the doctor added.

"The doctor overrides the captain, when there's health involved." She nodded.

"Fair enough." And glanced at Harry, with a softer look.

"Harry, I'm the one who should be apologizing."

Harry froze.

"Captain?"

She sighed.

"I should have spotted you were ill, or hiding something, sooner. A captain is supposed to know his or her officers inside and out. I'm so sorry I didn't raise my suspicions sooner." She took his hand, gently, and motherly. "But Harry, you could have told us."

"I couldn't." Tears rolled down Harry's cheek. "I wanted Voyager to get home, instead of you helping. You couldn't afford distractions."

"Is that what you think you are?" Janeway gave an inaudible gasp, and placed her other hand to her mouth. "A distraction?Harry you...you are so much more than that! You are valuable, irrepacleable member of this crew. We would all suffer your loss. All of us." This time a tear rolled down her face. "I've contacted the vidians," she finally added, and he stiffened. "They haven't responded yet, but if they don't,we'll keep on trying." She rested her forehead against his, and sighed.

"You are no longer alone, Mr. Kim. We'll solve this together."

With that, Harry finally released all his fear, and all his regret, as he sobbed while the Captain merely held him, and the doctor stood beside them guarding them-while feeling a sense of relief of his own, that help might soon arrive...


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you for allowing me time off to grieve, and shift my focus on some things._ _I am sorry for being so absent, though._

* * *

B'Elanna was shocked when she first found out, from what Tom told her. Shocked, and then furious. And then sick with sadness. She had to confront Harry, and tell him she knew everything. But at least it made sense on why he didn't want to be Miral's Godfather. She touched her belly, a lingering sadness etched in her as she thought of Harry not being around for the birth. They had contacted the Vidians, and were able to convince them to start looking for possible deceased species brain organs to see if any would be a match with Harry's. Until then it was still chemotherapy shots. But at least Harry wasn't in this alone. 

She stormed into sick bay with a look of fury on her expression. Harry was sitting up, letting the doctor give him one of his many shots. They both froze when they saw her. 

"Lt. Torress," The Doctor snapped, his defensive armour on "If you are going to yell at Mr. Kim you'll have to do it when we have found a cure. Until then he is  _off limits_."

"it's okay, Doc," Harry sighed, looking exhausted. She was taken aback by how worn down, and ragged, he looked. 

"She gets a pass at me," he added with a shrug. "I owe her that much." The doctor frowned, but remained silent.

She tried to reign in her emotions, for both of their sakes. She had always hated how out of control she had gotten in the past. She swallowed, and sat down, on the bio bed next to him.

"You could have told us," she finally stated, tears pricking her eyes. He blinked back his own tears as he looked down.

"With the baby on the way? I didn't want to risk doing any damage to you, or Miral. And you and Tom were so happy..."

He shook his head.

"No, Tom had waited far too long for his life to have meaning-for me to take that away from him. That's not fair to either of you."

"It wasn't fair for you to go through this alone, though," she pressed, gently. She was aware of how shocked all three were by her none raging tone. 

"I had Doc here." Harry patted the Doctor's hands, who smiled timidly. 

"Still, you should have had your friends." A tear rolled down her face. "I'm so sorry, Harry, that we were so self involved that we didn't notice you were hurting."

Harry shrugged.

"Guess I'm a better actor than I thought," he quipped. She gave a quiver of a smile. 

"What's wrong?" She looked concerned as He rubbed his forehead. He sighed.

"After affects of my chemotherapy shots are kicking in."

"Here, lie down, Mr. Kim,"the doctor adviced. "And I'll get you a cold cloth."

Harry was taking deep breaths, and looked regretful at the worry his friend was showing.

"You can leave," he urged. "In fact, you should. I don't want you to see me like this. To worry about me."

"Too late." B'Ellanna gave a smile. "Worrying is what familes do. And we will always be family, Harry." In a choked up voice she stood up to gently grip his hand.

"I'm not going anywhere right now," she told him. "And you better get used to that."

With that he gave an emotional smile as she took the cloth from the doctor, and placed it on Harry's head-determined to be there for the rest of the way. Even if it didn't end the way they wanted it to. She was determined to be there for Harry, no matter what. 

 


End file.
